FaFNY is NOT a legal services organization nor do we provide individual case management. If you are in court the system is such that you either use an attorney or do it yourself. We have compiled self help information here to help you whether you have an attorney or are going it alone. FaFNY does write letters and make inquiries on behalf of our membership who are suffering injustices in this system. Right now there is zero funding to help fathers overcome the barriers in place which prevent them from being fathers to their children. Should the NYS Government, or any other organization wishing to do good for families, decide to provide funding we are ready to provide those services to the public. To that end FaFNY is making the focus for 2005 to secure funding to open a fatherhood center here in the Capital District and we will be directing our energies towards securing funding sources. Please support NY families by supporting FaFNY with your tax deductible donations, gifts or grants.
When I began in the family civil rights movement in 1995 the only resources available were manuals and pamphlets prepared by those that had gone through the system (I make mention of Julian Garcia who prepared a pro se manual for New York State with thanks for his work on behalf of others). Most were pro se (self representation) help manuals as most people facing family dissolution eventually run out of money for attorneys. These were copied and distributed by hand through meetings and from friend to friend. Many organizations required membership prior to assisting an individual or providing the manual. Now, the internet has made this information readily available in volumes we would have not thought of achieving in even the year 2000. If you do not have internet access GET IT. Go to a friends or to your public library.
FaFNY provides this information free to all regardless of organization affiliation. We have developed the self help materials on the Family Help Packet to aid people going through the process of family dissolution and it can be downloaded here. It is designed to help you understand the process you are going through. Notice we didn't say help you "win", but help you through, you probably already realize that there are no winners in this system. You can review and download the Family Help Packet from this web site. We recommend a membership in FaFNY which includes membership in ACFC and gives you access to their studies section and "The Shared Parenting Tool Kit", in addition to being your voice in Washington, DC and Albany, NY.
Child Custody Discussion - Custodial versus non custodial:
We want to stress right up front that if you are the "non custodial" parent you have no rights in New York's Courts. The Family Court is bound by "the best interest of the child" standard and will "award" control of the child to one parent at the exclusion of the other (93% of the time the mother is the "custodial" parent). The courts say they "award custody" but both parents already had custody, so what the court is doing is TAKING AWAY parental rights from one parent. The "New York Order", as those in the judiciary refer to it, is allowing you to "visit" every other weekend and one day a week for four hours. Hardly enough time to be a parent to your child(ren). They will try to trick you into entering into an agreement by putting in words and phrases to indicate that you have some measure of shared decision making like "joint custody with primary physical possession with the mother" or "primary residence is with" or indicating shared decision making but giving one parent final say on decision such as "the mother shall always consult with the father before making major decisions" indicating their authority to make the final decision . If a parent has "primary physical possession" or "primary residence" they are the custodial parent and you non custodial. If the other parent only has to consult on major decision they are the custodial parent and you non custodial. If you pay child support you are the "non custodial parent". The custodial parent gets to make ALL the decisions regarding the child including whether to relocate out of the area. NY Courts DO NOT enforce "visitation" orders. Be aware of this and also, MAKE NO VERBAL STIPULATIONS IN OPEN COURT, agree in principle and then have the order proposed agreement drawn up for review (see 15 important tips).
Self Help Resources: [click here for a list of books on this topic]
1. First review [FaFNY's 15 IMPORTANT TIPS ON MANAGING YOUR CASE].
2. Second review the [Family Help Packet]. This will give you an overview of the system and answer many of your questions. You can also download much of the information in Adobe Acrobat or link to useful sites.
3. I you are going it without an attorney, Pro Se (self represented) persons should go to the Pro Se section of the NYS Unified Court System for up to date manuals, instructions and forms.
4. If you have an attorney or are looking for one: Review you clients rights and responsibilities. Remember you hired them! You can also check out information from the NYS Bar Association on these and other topics.
5. If you have been hit, bit, slapped, followed and verbally berated, especially in front of the children, you are a victim of domestic violence. While there are many resources available for women you have probably found there are few, if any, for men. That is even if you are believed at all. Additionally, to gain leverage in the divorce/child custody hearings your ex probably made claims of domestic violence against you and is holding an order of protection. If you are the victim of abuse or false allegation click Here.
6. Finally we have prepared a listing of web links to sites that may be useful.
7. Review information on financial child support click Here.
Once you have gone through all of the above you have probably come to the conclusion that you won't win in the family court arena. Each time you enter it you are either ignored or abused or both and it costs you all of your financial resources. You can now give up and "live with it" or you can do something about it. FaFNY is dedicated, and determined, to change this broken system and restore civility, and most importantly family civil rights.
Go to the Legislative Affairs section and get involved. After all, do you really want your children to have to go through what you have?