Because the New York State Legislature, NY Courts and Governors Office

Don't see your tears or hear you crying.

Distributed to the NYS Legislature:  April 1, 2003 in support of our positions

Are We Ignoring the Elephant in the Room? 

The Problem – Divorce and Single Parent Households Negatively impacting our children.

 Consider these facts:

·         One half of all marriages are ending in divorce. 60% of the divorces involve families with children. [1]

·         2/3 of divorces are filed by women and 80% of divorces are against the wishes of the other party.[2]

·         One third of births are out of wedlock, within minority households the rate is even higher.[3]

·         In New York State there are over 155,000 custody orders every year translating to over 200,000 children denied access to a mother or father (and their extended family) each and every year and over two million parents relegated to “non custodial” “visitors” in their children’s life.[4]  

·         70% of children in poverty are in single parent homes.[5]

·         85% of children who are abused and neglected are from single mother homes.[6]

·         A 1986 study, the most recent done, found bias in the courts and overwhelming bias against fathers.[7]

·          It is commonly recognized that the court structure is ineffective in New York State.[8]

·         Children of Divorce report difficulty later in life, parental loss having a long lasting and permanent impact on our children.[9]   

Is New York Lagging Behind the Nation? 

                The answer is plainly yes.  Many states have moved to a shared parenting model and many are updating this model and strengthening parental rights and responsibilities to their children. Connecticut, a state similar to New York in population demographics, is taking the politics out of family dissolution and studying the problems.  They have recognized the elephant in the room and are working towards solutions![10]  Not only negatively impacting children, New York’s policies have been hurting mothers, fathers, families and society.[11]  The time for action is now.

               The Solution – recognize the elephant is in the room and DO SOMETHING!

Change the Terminology from “Visitor” to “Parenting Time” 

                Labels and terminology are so important that last session we changed the NY Constitution and inserted “he and she” to reflect our goal of equal opportunity for men and women.  We ask parents to be responsible and yet in family court immediately label one parent as “visitor”.  This label implies a loss of the parental rights and responsibilities and makes it difficult for a parent to act like a parent.  We believe the term “visitation” should not be used and should be replaced with the term “parenting time” which more accurately reflects the true nature of the parent-child relationship.[12] 

 Change Sole Custody to “Shared Parenting”

                 On Tuesday you’re a warm loving parent, on Wednesday a “Custodian” and “Non-Custodian?  No longer parents but a winner and a loser.  But what impact does this have on the child?  Shared Parenting has been shown to have positive outcomes on children. [13]  Even in high conflict divorces programs have shown that 70% of couples could maintain shared parenting and there have been NO negative outcomes in shared parenting. [14]

                States that have introduced shared parenting have seen a dramatic reduction in the rate of divorce some as high as 20%.[15]  Intact married households have been shown to be the safest place from violence and emotionally for children and women.[16]

                In New York there is no shared parenting (joint custody) statute.  The Court of Appeals recognized that shared parenting can cover many circumstances including joint decision making, joint legal custody or shared physical custody of children.  The Court also recognized that BOTH parents wish to be actively involved in raising their children stating “we are aware that many divorcing parents wish to maximize their parenting opportunities through expanded visitation or shared custody arrangements”.  The Court did not act on these issues stating that the legislature has not addressed these issues and that “difficult policy issues” are “best left to the legislature”.[17]  

                There’s that elephant again! 

Uniform Statewide Parental Education for Divorcing Couples

                Right now in New York there is no standard for educating parents on the impact of divorce on them or their children.  We think this lack of standard educational guidelines results in many areas having substandard programs.  Some counties have no programs at all.  This is detrimental to the health and welfare of children.  Unbiased factual information and education should be made available for all New York families to help them deal with this most difficult time in their lives. 

 New York State Court Reform and Restructure

                 A 1986 Task Force on bias against women in the courts found bias against FATHERS, in addition to finding bias against women.  The structure of New York Courts are so archaic that they are inhospitable to the parties that use them and virtually impossible to navigate through.  Chief Judge Kay has recognizes the courts are broken and not serving the public and has requested the Legislature to act.  Further, the 1986 Report of the New York Task force on Women in the Courts recommended that there be more accountability on the part of the courts and that the legislatures enact legislation to direct the courts to do so.  Both a streamlined system and accountability are needed in our courts for the benefit of children and families.

                This elephant has been in the room since 1986!

 Mediation in the Child’s Best Interest 

                Recent studies have shown, even in high conflict divorces that mediation can work to the benefit of all parties to a divorce/separation, especially the children.  States, such as our neighbors in Connecticut, have had success with mediation especially when combined with shared rights and responsibilities for divorcing parents.  A Governors advisory panel has recommended that this model be furthered as in the best interest of children.  West Virginia has even mandated mediation prior to court and their model was successful and highlighted on the National News.[18] 

 In conclusion we feel these areas need to be addressed support the following Legislation:

·         Terminology: A1143/S1916 (Sidikman - in Judiciary Committee, Saland – in Children and Families Committee). 

·         Rebuttable Presumption of Shared Parenting.  A1123/ S3220 (Sidikman – in Judiciary Committee, Johnson – In Children and Families Committee)

·         Parental Education.  A3820 (McEneny – in Judiciary Committee)

·         Mediation.  S1969-A/A7095 (Larkin-in Children & Families, Weprin-in Judiciary) , A1087 (Stephens-in Judiciary Committee), S2185 (Paterson-Children & Families)

·         Family Court reform.  A6269 (Prentiss - Judiciary Committee).            

List of Citations and References with Hyperlinks to obtain copies or e-mail DadLobby@FaFNY.org: